She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
