it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
