Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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