he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
