I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
