Say something about gay babies.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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