the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
