Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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