This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
