Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i came on her dog
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
