I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize