I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
