Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Never joke about your clitoris.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
