Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
