Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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