If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
