I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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