I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
