toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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