Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
