I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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