I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
