I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
