Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
