your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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