There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
two words...techno handjob
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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