Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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