Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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