Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
