I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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