so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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