Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
