Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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