Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
