It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
