dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
