he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
