I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
