just come out here and I will go home with you...
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
