Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
