i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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