Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
