Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
