It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
