he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
