i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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