I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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