I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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