I wish I could punch you in the face.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
