I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
