carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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