I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
