I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
