I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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