Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
