It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
