Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
