i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm sobbing to NWA
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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