So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
