I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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