Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
