Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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