you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
