Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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