god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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