I can text with my tongue
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
