i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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