so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
