New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
