I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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