honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
