awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
